"PYAR SE PYAR KARO"

pyar se pyar karo pyar ko ruswa na karo,
meri to aadat hai tum khud ko afsurda na karo,

meri bahon main chalay aao dartay kyun ho,
gehrai hai bohat dil main yun jhanka na karo,

main to aashiq e dedar hoon koi rahzan to nahin,
betho mere pass yun mujhse parda na karo,

kon chalta hai tamam umr hi sath,
laikin waqt se pehlay to khud se juda na karo,

badalon ki bhi tum ko nazr lag sakti hai,
tang qaba ho to barish main nahaya na karo,

bijliyan girti hain kitne sadah dilon per,
aisay be pardah sehan main aya na karo,

tum kya jano ye dil ki lagi kya hoti hai,
kisi maasoum se dil se yun khaila na karo,

dekho nazuk hai tumhari ungliyan bohat,
in se pholon ko yun masla na karo,

shaam dhalay wo pirota hai gham apne,
Tabassum her roz ussey yun mila na karo.

buhut khoob janab

Shukriya Janab,

Nau warid e mehfil hoon, adab adaab se na waqif, agr koi gustakhi sirzad ho jae to rehnumai farmiye ga.

Acha khayaal hai bus zara is baat ka khayal rakhiye ke shair wazan se aari na ho jaye ke us se shair ki khubsoorti main farq aa jaata hai

Shukriya,

Kuch rehnumai farmain, kahan be-wazn mehsos kiya aap ne ?

"Keejio na abus chara gary tum meray dil kee
Main dard ko sehnay ki adaa seekh rahaa hoon"

Ye bohot khubsoorat sher hai aur mukammal. Kaheen bhi wazan se gira hua naheen. Aap ke baaqi hur shair main sakta hai. Unless ke aap us main kuch likhna bhool gaey hoon.

Mera maqsad qatan aap ki dil aazari naheen hai. Main ne jo mehsoos kiy woh likh diya magar mujhay yaqeen hai ke ke ashaar bohot behter ho saktay hain jaise ke:

Aap ka pehla shair:

Main uske na milnay ki wajah soch raaa hoon
Haathon ko uthaakar main dua soch raha hoon"
ya phir

Hain haath bandhey harf e duaa soch rahaa hoon
Jo mujhaey bhter lagta hai

Zara zara se kami hai jo aap yaqeenan behter kar sakte hain

Dear,

Aap ne islah ki bohat khushi huwi aur is hi tajassus main aap ki tamam posts padhi main ne. Ab aap k samnay apni shairy post kartay huwa aisay darr lag raha hai jaisay koi nursery ka bacha apna home work apni teacher ko dikhatay huway darta hai.

Waisay to aap ki shairy bohat kamal hai, her aik shair intehai nafees aur dil main utr janay wala, per khas tor pe jo pasand aae woh aap hi ki nazr karta hoon.

Un ke qadmon main daaltay hain ke dil
Un ke thokar ko hee machalta hai


Ghairon ke saamne he mukhatib karay hai kyoun
Hum jaante hain kitna zamaana shinaas hai


Sahil se baar baar he lotay the naa muraad
Do aansuon se bujh gayee kaisi yeh pyaaas hai


Saaray hi warq bund hain, kholee na aik baar
Is dil ki aaj tuk naheen tu nay parhee kitaab


Sara yaqeen, saare bharam toot se gaye
Ab maan loon pa dil hai ke be aitbaar hai


Agar zamane main budnaam hain to kya gham hai
Humain bhi Seema hai kuch shauq jug hunsaai ka


Wo maangain dil ke budlay jaan jo meeras hai un kee
Pa dil kee baat main sood o ziyan kyoun hai meray yazdan


Ab hosla nahin ho raha hai apni shairy post karnay ka.

aap waqai shair hain hum to tifl e maktab bhi nahin.

Aisi koi baat nahin hai. Shairy main khayaal ka achoota hona bohot zurrori hai. Aik naya khayal, ik nayee baat, aik naey andaaz ke saath aur baaqi sab to aahista aahista aa hi haata hai. Aap main woh sab hai jo aap ko aik acha shair banaey. Mairi duain aur naik tamaannain aak ke saath hain. Please likhtay rahiye aur share karte rahiye. Mujhay khushi hogi. Pasand karne ka bohot shukriya.

Lejiye, aap ki hosla afzai pe himmat karr k chand ashaar aap ki nazr, Islah farmiye.

Mujhe us ne kabhi dhoka nahin diya
per kuch kehne ka kabhi mouqa nahin diya

Jagti aankhon se bunn raha tha khwab
sapnon ne us k sone ka kabhi mouqa nahin diya

udta phiron main bhi khulay aasman main
sayyad ne rehai ka kabhi mouqa nahin diya

wada shikan hai wo kuch be wafa bhi hai
aisay kisi khayal se dil kabhi chota nahin kiya

mashq e sitam main yun to usko kamal tha
hamse gila ho us ko kabhi mouqa nahin diya

aashiq to ik jahan tha uska magr ASAD
sani nahin hamra kabhi dawa nahin kiya

Uski hansi achi lagi muskurana acha laga
zulf bhegi achi lagi khidki pe aana acha laga

ik to husn e be panah us pe qatil ada,
zulf rukh pe achi lagi ungli per ghumana acha laga

kuch is tarha mukhatib huwa k jaltarang bajnay lagay
guftagu achi lagi andaz shairana acha laga

ru baru hote hi us k masshoor sa kuch ho gaya
uski jadugari achi lagi andaz sahirana acha laga

dobta jata tha uski aankhon main kahin,
apni bekhudi achi lagi us ka dil main utarna acha laga

mehfil main chup chup k us hi ko dekha kiye
apni chori achi lagi us pe pakday jana acha laga

baghban ki kya kahin usko to humse bair hai
balon main un k kali achi lagi humko churana acha laga

baad mudat k jo un ko dekha rah main
palkon ki nami achi lagi na mounh phair jana acha laga.



Ankhain Ankhon se milin aur yun goya huwin
shama achi lagi shama ko parwana acha laga

jehd e ishq main do (2) hi maqam achay lagay
unki gali achi lagi phir maikhana acha laga

jb ishq sayyad se huwa to yun hone laga
be bal o pari achi lagi qafs ka ab o dana acha laga

unse mohabbat k sawalon k jawab aisay huwe
chehre ki surkhi achi lagi palkain jhukana acha laga

aakhir e shab surahi jab sir nagoon hone lagi
mina ki kami achi lagi saaqi ka nazrain milana acha laga

Junoon hai ishq to phir khirad ka yahan pe kaam kya ?
ham ko Tabassum achi lagi us pe lutt jana acha laga.

Is dil ki veshshatoon ka samaan koi to ho
zakhm e jigr teer e rag e jaan koi to ho

tarasti hai kab se meri jabeen e shouq
koi sanam koi darr koi aastaan koi to ho

is shehr e be mehr main kissay hon hum kalam
koi farhad koi qais koi chaak giraybaan koi to ho

sach bersar e saleeb lab e goya koi nahin
koi khateeb koi waiz koi peer e mughaan koi to ho

ghum teri judai ka lalak nae ishq ki bhi hai
koi firaq o visaal koi dastaan koi to ho

dekho k usko shouq e mulaqat hai k hai
hone do ham sa parayshaan koi to ho

yeh kaisa shehr ha k jahan pathr k loog hain
koi chashm e num koi khandaa labaan koi to ho

jenay ki aarzu karain bhi to kis liye
koi shorida sir koi zulf e parayshaan koi to ho

Asad ab shairi bhi kis k liye karain
koi naqqad koi Tabassum sa qadardaan koi to ho.

Koi bhi pa e haal aaya na raat bhr
humne bhi apne dil ko samjhaya na raat bhr

go aasman raat barham raha bohat
humne bhi aashiyaan ko bachaya na raat bhr

ghum khwar roo rahay thay apnay hi dard ko
humne bhi apna zakhm dikhaya na raat bhr

kal to nikal hi aaya main hangaam e shehr se
sach pochiye to is darja sukoon bhi bhaya na raat bhr

kis ko padi hai k dil figaraan ki lay khabr
afsoos! chand bhi idhar aaya na raat bhr

jhatki jo usne zulf mere shaanay pe aatiki
main ne bhi shouq main hataya na raat bhr

mehfil main kal aadoo ki aisi thi mae e naab
humne bhi us main paani milaya na raat bhr

is tarha rab se ki baghawat tamam raat
pas e baraat bhi sajday se sir uthaya na raat bhr.

Kya tareef karin aap ki sheri ki Keh alfaz ka chunao bohot mushkil hai....
jahan tak islah ka taaluq hai ham is qabil nahi k aap ki islah karein. is forum mei loog behter raaye dey sakty hain aap ko... ham tu bas aap ki shaeri ko parhy jaty hain..... parhy jaty hain......
Jahan tak islah ka taaluq hai, hamara khyal hai her insan ko islah ki zarorat hoti hai... aur aap apni islah khud kersakty hain....
Kabhi apni pehchan ko itna mushkil na karein k aap k maddah aap ko dhondty hi rehjaen....
Wish you Best of Luck.....

Helio Asif,

Aap ki shairy parhee. Kaheen kaheen to bohot waazih message samajh main aata hai aur kaheen bilkul naheen ke aap kya kehna chah rahey hain aur please wazan par khaas dhiyaan karain. Baaz auqaat saada alfaaz main jo khubsoorti aati hai, wo bohot mushmil main naheen hoti, jaise ke

"Meer un neem baaz aankhon main
Saari musti sharab ki si hai"

Alfaz ka chunao kitna dilkush aur maani bilkul saaf. Yaqeenan hum Meer jaise shuara ke qareen bho naheen jaa sakte magar un se seekh zurror sakte hain. Apni koshishain jaari rakhiya.

TC,
S

waah... buhut khoob ji...
aur aik "harf e duaa" dono buhut passand aayeen..

keep them coming

Thanks Mysterious,

Waisay "Hansi achi lagi Muskurana Acha laga" k baray main kya khayal hai.

Chand ashaar paish e khidmat hain kawish e na tawaan ko qabool kijiye:

Usse pochay to koi teer khincha tha lab e furaat jis ne
le k hathoon main Ali Asghar ko Shabbir ne manga kya tha

Jis ka mazhab tha masihai wohi masloob huwa
Ibn e Mariyam ne dishna o shamsheer se manga kya tha

Aaj izat e saadat bhi rehn rakh ayaa hoon,
mere bilaktay huwe tifl e be sheer ne manga kya tha






SALAM AAE HUSSAIN IBN E ALI

"QATL E HUSSAIN ASL MAIN MERG E yaazid HAI
ISLAM ZINDA HOTA HAI HER KARBALA K BAAD HI"

Thanks Arooj,

Ap ki tashrif awari ka bhi aur meri zaeef si koshish ko sarahnay ka bhi. this is the first time I have expressed my writing publically and pleased to note the comments and guidance received so far this will help me alot in improving myself.

mera naam Asad hai aur Tabassum Takhallus hai.

Thanks again for visiting.

Abhi tumhari yaad k mousam gaae na thay
is dil ny tumko bhulaya abhi na tha

hum chah k khud se juda tujh ko na kar sakay
go tu nay hum ko dil main basaya kabhi na tha

dil ki udasiyon ka ye aalam aur amad e bahar
itna khizaan ne bhi hum ko rulaya kabhi na tha

tabs ki aap ki shairy parhi bohat umda hai sab kalam...aisi hi sharing karte rehye

Thanks Aabroo Ji, aapki tashrif awari ne meri saaie e na tawan ki Aabroo rakh li. Himmat afzai ka shukriya.

Aur haaan, meri sari posts meri apni hain, ye Forum ke nae dost Hameed sb ne apni khushi se mere thread main apni mashq e sukhan ka izhar kiya hai, jis k liye main maa'zrat khwah hoon k main kisi k reply ko restrict nahin karr sakta.

Thanks.

Asad

Missing Your Comments!!

Seema Ji,

Jo log kuch kehne ka hosla rakhtay hain wo usse ziyada sunnain ka bhi hosla rakhtay hain, is liye ye na khayal kejiye ga k aap k comments ko main ghalat mehsoos karoon ga. Mujhe apni her post per aap k comments ka shiddat se intezar rehta hai.

Please award me with your most valued comments.

Salam Asad ji,

maaf keejiye ga asil main musroofiat kee wajah se main aap ko comments naheen likh sakee. Aap acha likhte hain aur jaisa ke main ne pehley kaha ke khayaltat ka achoota hoona shart hai, baqi to hum seekh laite hain. Aap likha jaree rakhiye, khoob. BAqi sab aap ko Dilshad jee bataaeyn gay ke un ko shairee ki samajh mujh se bohot zyada hai.

Duago,
Seema

moaaf kijiye ga , main ne kuch kaha thaa aap ki ghazal ke bare me , magar delete ho gaya , shayed aor woh mahfooz nahi raha , so phir kabhi saih ,insha allah

dilshadnazmi

[

[[b]

maqta phir se kahiye , be rabt ho gaya hai ,
mukhlis
dilshadnazmi

[quote="tabs"][b]"PYAR SE PYAR KARO"

pyar se pyar karo pyar ko ruswa na karo,
meri to aadat hai tum khud ko afsurda na karo,
cani misra be wazn ho gaya hai , lehaza iss par kuch mahnat honi chahiye .
agar aap yo'n kahte " meri aadat hai kabhi khud ko fasurdah na karo" tou wazn bahal ho sakta hai , aap issi wazn par koi dusra misra tarteeb de lein ,

meri bahon main chalay aao dartay kyun ho,
gehrai hai bohat dil main yun jhanka na karo,
meri baho'n me chale aao . , jhijhak kaesi hai
dil me gaherai hai , rasman yo'n hi jhanka na karo

main to aashiq e dedar hoon koi rahzan to nahin,
betho mere pass yun mujhse parda na karo,
main tou ashiq hoo'n koi raah ka rahezan tou nahi
paas baitha karo , mujhse kabhi pardah na karo

kon chalta hai tamam umr hi sath,
laikin waqt se pehlay to khud se juda na karo,

chahta kon hai ta_a umr ki ho ham safri
waqt se pahley magar is tarah , bichd>ha na karo




badalon ki bhi tum ko nazr lag sakti hai,
tang qaba ho to barish main nahaya na karo,
lag bhi sakti hain tumhein abr_e_siyah ki nazrein ,
baal khole huwey barish me nahaya na karo

bijliyan girti hain kitne sadah dilon per,
aisay be pardah sehan main aya na karo,

barq gir jaey gi kuch saada dilo'n par shayed
geela aanchal khule aangan me sukhaya na karo

tum kya jano ye dil ki lagi kya hoti hai,
kisi maasoum se dil se yun khaila na karo,

tum keya jano ke ye dil ki lagi keya shaey hai ?
dil hai masoom mera iss tarah khela na karo

dekho nazuk hai tumhari ungliyan bohat,
in se pholon ko yun masla na karo,

kitni nazuk hain teri ungliyaa'n , aor ab in se
phool nazuk hai bahot iss tarah masla na karo
isse dubara kah lein , main ne wazn batane ke liye aap ko cani misre me ishara diya hai ,,




shaam dhalay wo pirota hai gham apne,
Tabassum her roz ussey yun mila na karo.[/quote]

maqta phir se kahiye , be rabt ho gaya hai ,
mukhlis
dilshadnazmi[/b]

Janab Nazmi Sb Adab,

Apki Adabi nigah k tool o arz ka andaza to apki takhleeq aur aap ke tabsiroon se pehle hi ho gaya tha. Umeed na umeedi ki aarzay main "Khaak ho jain ge ham tumko khabr hone tak" k masdaq umeed choor chuka tha. khair ho sakta hai k maazi qareeb main koi naiki ki hogi jo kaam aagai ya phir ehbab ki wasatat se aap ki nigah e qadr main is haqeer si tehreer ko sharf hasil huwa.

kuch bhi kehne se pehlay haqiqat e haal se agah karna chahoon ga ka main Shairy se bilkul na balad hoon aur jihalat ki had tak is ke zair o zabr se be behra hoon. jo kuch aap k samnay hai wo us main mera koi kamal nahin hai ye az khud huwa hai.

Meri hasiyat to nahin k aap k tabsiray per lab kushai kar sakoon, laikin apna nuqta e nazr byan karna zaroori samjhta hoon k aap mujhe behtr tareeq se samajh sakain. Jaisa k aap ne farmaiya k matlay k misara e cani pe mehnat karoon so ki aur apki rae se muttafiq hone k baad ye koshish ki hai


pyar se pyar karo pyar ko ruswa na karo,
meri aadat hai yun hi khud ko afsurda na karo,

Aur maqta ki tasheeh kuch yun ki hai

shaam dhalay wo pirota hai gham apne,
Tabassum yun hi roz ussey milne jaya na karo


is k elawa aap ne jo tasheeh farmai hai us ko samjhne se yaksar qasir hoon k uss ki bina pe shair ka mafhoom hi tabdel ho jata hai.

Guzarish ye hai k ager aap bunyadi wajoohat byan kar dain to mere liye aainda bhi sehhel rahay ga kyun k main kafi ziyada kaghaz kalay karr chuka hoon aur aap k liye ye mumkin na hoga k aap in sab main islaah aur rahnumai farmain warna is tarha phir aap ka qeemiti waqt meri saie e jahilana ki nazr ho jae gi jis ka k main kabhi mutahammil na ho sakoon ga. ye bhi arz karta chaloon k wo jo alfaz hotay hain Faaelun, Faaelatuun waghaira to mjhse ada bhi nahin hote to is ka maani dar kinar.

Main apki is Adabi Darsgah ka shayad intehai nalayaq shagirdh hoon phr bhi.

Rahnumai ka Talib,

Asad

Nazmi Sb,

Ap ki giraan qadr raae ko pesh e nazr rakhtay huwa kuch behter karnay ki koshish ki hai, mulahiza kijiye: