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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy  Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:56 am |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Thanks Sono ji,
I am just waiting for my Ustad's comments. Pata nahin kab unki nigah e naz is kalam ko sharf bakhsay.
By the way how did you turned out to Purple instead of Green!
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sono
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 6:32 am |
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Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:41 am
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tabs wrote: Thanks Sono ji,
I am just waiting for my Ustad's comments. Pata nahin kab unki nigah e naz is kalam ko sharf bakhsay.
By the way how did you turned out to Purple instead of Green! you are welcome tabs ji....and whos your ustad???? i'm purple coz meri promotion ho gayee from senior Mod to super Mod 
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kabhi yon ho ke pathar chott khayen
ye har dam aaiine hi choor kyon?
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 11:48 am |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
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Dear Aabroo Ji & Sono Ji, Thank you very much for appreciating my inept efforts, your comments are always encouraging me to improve myself. Sono Ji, Congratulation on your promotion will wait for the sweets to come.  Jahan tak mere ustad ki baat hai to shairy main mere Peer e Sukhan, Rooh e Ghazal Izzat ma'ab Hazrat Ahmed Shah Faraz hain k jaisay kisi khandan ya qoumiyat se kisi shakhs ki shanakht hoti hai aisay hi main Ahmed Faraz k naam se Shairy ko jaanta hoon. Alawa azeen, is forum per mere asatazah jo k mere liye hamil e izzat o takrim hain Mohtarma "Seema Naqvi" sahiba, Mohtaram "Dilshad Nazmi" sahib hain aur zia e rahnumai ka muntazir hoon Janab Hamid Muhib sahib se. Waisay to mere khayal main her wo shakhs jo mujh se behter mazaq rakhta hai mere liye qabil e ta'azim hai k mujh sa naqis ul aqaal dhoondna saie e raaygaan sabit ho.  Aik bar phir aap sab ki muhabbaton ka be had shukr guzar! Tabassum Asad Qureshi
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nazmi_dilshad
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 8:46 pm |
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Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:02 pm
Posts: 63
Location: ksa
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tabs wrote: Mere Ustad ne Farmaya :Attachment: ustad.JPG tabs ji aadab , keya hi acha ho ke aap isse roman me likh kar dubarah bhejein , take main har eak sher ko code kar ke uske bare me wazahat se apni raey pesh kar sako'n , umeed hai aap meri guzarish par gour farmaeinge , mukhlis dilshadnazmi
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sono
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:02 pm |
| Super Moderator |
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Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:41 am
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tabs wrote: Dear Aabroo Ji & Sono Ji, Thank you very much for appreciating my inept efforts, your comments are always encouraging me to improve myself. Sono Ji, Congratulation on your promotion will wait for the sweets to come. Jahan tak mere ustad ki baat hai to shairy main mere Peer e Sukhan, Rooh e Ghazal Izzat ma'ab Hazrat Ahmed Shah Faraz hain k jaisay kisi khandan ya qoumiyat se kisi shakhs ki shanakht hoti hai aisay hi main Ahmed Faraz k naam se Shairy ko jaanta hoon. Alawa azeen, is forum per mere asatazah jo k mere liye hamil e izzat o takrim hain Mohtarma "Seema Naqvi" sahiba, Mohtaram "Dilshad Nazmi" sahib hain aur zia e rahnumai ka muntazir hoon Janab Hamid Muhib sahib se. Waisay to mere khayal main her wo shakhs jo mujh se behter mazaq rakhta hai mere liye qabil e ta'azim hai k mujh sa naqis ul aqaal dhoondna saie e raaygaan sabit ho. Aik bar phir aap sab ki muhabbaton ka be had shukr guzar! Tabassum Asad Qureshi
aap ki mazeed sharing ka intezar hai and by the way aap Bait Bazi ka rasta kyon bhool gayen 
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kabhi yon ho ke pathar chott khayen
ye har dam aaiine hi choor kyon?
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:09 pm |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
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Apka hukam sir aankhon per:
Shair ka shaoor ho
agahi zahor ho
lafz bhi haseen hon
per wazn zaror ho
shair gr koi kaho
khyal bhi zaror ho
hadith e dil saqeel ho
sukhan sehel zaror ho
nigah jab safr karay
dil na usse door ho
kalam talkh hi sahih
dil pe baaes e saroor ho
ab is tarha se band kar
ghazal mere huzor ho
Apki giraan qadr raae ka bechaini se muntazir rahon ga, k is kay beghair main mazid post nahin karna chahta.
Behad Shukr guzar
Tabassum Asad Qureshi
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:11 pm |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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bohat shukria tabs ji....
aap ki mazeed sharing ka intezar hai and by the way aap Bait Bazi ka rasta kyon bhool gayen [/quote] Woh actually main jab bhi post karta hoon participants bhag jatay hain, shayd main kuch ziyada bore karta hoon.
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nazmi_dilshad
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:54 pm |
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Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:02 pm
Posts: 63
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Shair ka shaoor ho agahi zahor ho bahot acha matla hai .....daad lafz bhi haseen hon per wazn zaror ho.... sahih lafz wazn hai , magar aap k e misre me wazan aa raha hai , agar aap sifr wazn kahte hain tou bahr mutasir hoti hai , aor par wazan zaroor ho kahte hain tou bahr ke saath wazn lafz ki sahet bhi mutasir hoti hai, aap isse yon kah sakte hain , "wzn par zaroor ho " shair gr koi kaho khyal bhi zaror ho ula theek hai, magar cani khayal bhi zaroor ho ki bajaey khal bhi zaroor ho aa raha hai, zahir hai khal tou nahi kah sakte kiyuon ke koi rabt nahi hai dono me , sher ki koi khal hone se rahi , haan asli jangla ke sher ki khaal zaroor hoti hai , hadith e dil saqeel ho sukhan sehel zaror ho sahih lafz sahl hai " aap loughat me dekh saktehain , nigah jab safr karay dil na usse door ho cani misra gir raha hai aor keya matlab nikalta hai, nigaah ke safar karne aor dil ke door na hone se ?? ya door hone se , bhai asad ham jo kuch dekhte hain khuli ankhon se ya batin ki nigahon se , (yeh peero'n ki istelaah hai) tou hamara zahn aor dil uss shey par matwajjah rahta hai, na ke gayeb rahta hai , mahsoos karta hai ke keya dekha ja raha hai , phir ye dil ki doori keya bala hai ...aap samjhein mujhe,,?? kalam talkh hi sahih dil pe baaes e saroor ho yahaan bhi cani misra be wzni ka sjikaar hai , jab klam talkh ho ga tou dil ke liye baice saroor kis tarah ho sakta hai , aap mujhe bata sakte hain , kon sa talkh kalam dil ko saroor muhaiya karta hai??? ab is tarha se band kar ghazal mere huzor ho keya band kar ??? kis tarah se band kana hai ???/ke ghazal aap ke huzoor ho jaey , che mani darad????? ghazal par dubara ghour karein , aor sher ke mafhoom ko samjhte huwey sher nikalein , umeed hai meri koi baat giraan nahi guzre gi , mukhlis dilshadnazmi 
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:01 am |
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tabs wrote: bohat shukria tabs ji....
aap ki mazeed sharing ka intezar hai and by the way aap Bait Bazi ka rasta kyon bhool gayen Woh actually main jab bhi post karta hoon participants bhag jatay hain, shayd main kuch ziyada bore karta hoon.[/quote] arrey nahen tabs ji koi nahen bhage ga aap dobara ayen to aur regular ho jaen...
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kabhi yon ho ke pathar chott khayen
ye har dam aaiine hi choor kyon?
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sono
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:03 am |
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Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:41 am
Posts: 27977
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tabs wrote: Apka hukam sir aankhon per:
Shair ka shaoor ho
agahi zahor ho
lafz bhi haseen hon
per wazn zaror ho
shair gr koi kaho
khyal bhi zaror ho
hadith e dil saqeel ho
sukhan sehel zaror ho
nigah jab safr karay
dil na usse door ho
kalam talkh hi sahih
dil pe baaes e saroor ho
ab is tarha se band kar
ghazal mere huzor ho
Apki giraan qadr raae ka bechaini se muntazir rahon ga, k is kay beghair main mazid post nahin karna chahta.
Behad Shukr guzar
Tabassum Asad Qureshi wah tabs ji kya zameen hai kya khyal hai bohat khoob 
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kabhi yon ho ke pathar chott khayen
ye har dam aaiine hi choor kyon?
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Arooj Amjad
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:48 am |
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Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2006 7:36 am
Posts: 2010
Location: Pakistan
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good going tabs!!!! keep practicing...behtari ki bohat gunjaaish hai abhi... tc
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Aks-e-khushbu hun bikharne se na roke koi
Aur bikhar jaauN to mujh ko na sameiTe koi!
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 12:00 pm |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
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Aap ki rahnumai ka be had shukr guzar hoon aur umeed karta hoon k apka ye mushfiqana andaz yun hi mujhe behtr se behtr likhne main madadgar rahe ga. Jaisa k main pehle bhi arz kar chuka hoon k aap ki aik rahnuma ki haisiyat se dekhta hoon to nagawari ka sawal hi nahin paida hota. lehazah aap ki raae mere liye intehai ehmiyat ki hamil hai. haan ye zaroor hai k kisi maqam pe ikhtilaf e raae ho per uski wajah perception ho sakti hai aap se narazgi ka mutahammil nahin ho skta. Please see my reply in BLUE. Apki rahnumai ka talib o shukr guazar Tabassum Asad Qureshi nazmi_dilshad wrote: Shair ka shaoor ho agahi zahor ho bahot acha matla hai .....daad Bohat manoon hoon is zarra nawazi ka.lafz bhi haseen hon per wazn zaror ho.... sahih lafz wazn hai , magar aap k e misre me wazan aa raha hai , agar aap sifr wazn kahte hain tou bahr mutasir hoti hai , aor par wazan zaroor ho kahte hain tou bahr ke saath wazn lafz ki sahet bhi mutasir hoti hai, aap isse yon kah sakte hain , "wzn par zaroor ho " Main muttafiq hoon aap se aur tasheeh karoon ga.shair gr koi kaho khyal bhi zaror ho ula theek hai, magar cani khayal bhi zaroor ho ki bajaey khal bhi zaroor ho aa raha hai, zahir hai khal tou nahi kah sakte kiyuon ke koi rabt nahi hai dono me , sher ki koi khal hone se rahi , haan asli jangla ke sher ki khaal zaroor hoti hai , Yahan jaisa k ap ne farmaya k khayal ki bajae khal aaraha hai, main isko samjh nahin paya kyun k main ne to khayal hi likha hai ager ap JPG image main dekhain to urdu main khayal hi likha hai. please zara wazahat farmain.hadith e dil saqeel ho sukhan sehel zaror ho sahih lafz sahl hai " aap loughat me dekh saktehain , 100% muttafiq hoon aur main ne sahl hi likha hai per roman ki wajah se aap per wazeh na ho saka jis ki maazrat qabool kejiye. nigah jab safr karay dil na usse door ho cani misra gir raha hai aor keya matlab nikalta hai, nigaah ke safar karne aor dil ke door na hone se ?? ya door hone se , bhai asad ham jo kuch dekhte hain khuli ankhon se ya batin ki nigahon se , (yeh peero'n ki istelaah hai) tou hamara zahn aor dil uss shey par matwajjah rahta hai, na ke gayeb rahta hai , mahsoos karta hai ke keya dekha ja raha hai , phir ye dil ki doori keya bala hai ...aap samjhein mujhe,,?? Nazimi sb, is shair ki assas ye hai k jab ham kuch bhi padhtay hain to nigah safr karti hai alfaz pe laikin her lafz ya her tehrer zarori nahin k dil man ghar kar jae, ab aap ne is shair ki babt jo kuch farmaya main usse padh k sirf e nigah kar doon to na ap ka likhna kisi kaam aaya na mera padhnay ka faida. Arz ye hai k kalam aisa likha jae jo k na sirf nigah ko mutawajah karay bal k dil main bhi ghar kar jae. umeed hai main apne khayal ka izhar karne main kamyab rha hoon.kalam talkh hi sahih dil pe baaes e saroor ho yahaan bhi cani misra be wzni ka sjikaar hai , jab klam talkh ho ga tou dil ke liye baice saroor kis tarah ho sakta hai , aap mujhe bata sakte hain , kon sa talkh kalam dil ko saroor muhaiya karta hai??? kuch kalam aisay bhi hotay hain jo nasihat aamez hotay hain go sunne main zara talkh hi mehsoos hotay hain per haqiqat pe mabni hotay hain aur un ka asr kuch dair main hota hai. is waqt misal dainay se qasir hon laikin maqsad yehi tha. behr kaif, apki baat se ittehfaq karta hoon aur is ka mutabadil paish karne ki koshish karon ga.ab is tarha se band kar ghazal mere huzor ho keya band kar ??? kis tarah se band kana hai ???/ke ghazal aap ke huzoor ho jaey , che mani darad????? Hazrt is shair se murad hai k mundarja bala tamam nazakatoon aur (Conjunctions) ko madd e nazr rakhtay huwe kalam ko tarteeb diya jae to ghazal hogi. hope to have you satisfied sufficiently.ghazal par dubara ghour karein , aor sher ke mafhoom ko samjhte huwey sher nikalein , umeed hai meri koi baat giraan nahi guzre gi , mukhlis dilshadnazmi Nazmi Sb, Aap ki rahnumai ka be had shukr guzar hoon aur umeed karta hoon k apka ye mushfiqana andaz yun hi mujhe behtr se behtr likhne main madadgar rahe ga.
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 12:04 pm |
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Arooj Amjad wrote: good going tabs!!!! keep practicing...behtari ki bohat gunjaaish hai abhi... tc Bohat Shukriya Arooj apki himmat afzai ka. Lagta hai kafi ta'atul k baad hazri di hai aap ne forum pe. Khair Khushamadeed, chashm ba rah!
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 11:21 am |
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Posts: 1953
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kabhi ana ko khud main panapne nahin daina
dil bhar bhi aae to chalakne nahin daina
utra hai jo mahtab ki manind jigr main
aankhon se laho ban k chalakne nahin daina
ankhon se mere dil main wo utr rahay hain
palkon ki chilmanon ko jhapakne nahin daina
baithay hain mere samne aur mehw e kalam
ab saans k ghungru bhi khanakne nahin daina
aadat hai mere pehle khud hi zakhm laga na
phir zakhm pe marham bhi rakhne nahin daina
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seemanaqvi
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 6:01 pm |
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Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2008 4:53 pm
Posts: 653
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tabs wrote: Tabs ji, Aap ki nazm padhee. Hamesha ki tarah achay khayalat magar humain humesha aap se wazn kee bohot shikayat rahee hai aur woh is nazm main bhi barqarar hai. Taqreeban hur sher main kum uz kum aik misra zuroor bewazn hai. Aap apna mutalia aur likhna donon hee jari rakhiye insha'allah aur nikhar aaye ga. Duago, Seema 
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:05 am |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Ulfat main zindagi ki jo ham shaam kar chalay
umr e tamam tere naam kar chalay
her gaam hum andheroon main dhaltay chalay gae
aur roshni tamam tere naam kar chalay
ussay ho guftagu yehi hasrat rahi hamain
ham aik sang dil se sukhan kham kar chalay
aasan nahin hai ishq ki manzil k rastay
ham aashiqoon k naam ye pegham kar chalay
Rab jantay hain jisko wo baad az khuda tui
maa sari kayyanat tere naam kar chalay
suntay hain ham k shair e faiz o faraz bhi
Allah shairy main wo kya naam kar chalay
shohrat ki justaju main sukhanwar tamam hain
so ham door se salam baher gaam kar chalay
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:13 am |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Seema Ji Adab,
Apki raae mere liye hamesha mohtaram rahay gi aur ismain bhi koi shak nahin k jo kuch apne kaha usmain kisi qism ki ghalati ki ehtamal ho.
Laikin main waqai is amer se be behra hoon k shairy main wazn, behr ya aur kon konse lowazmat hotay hain. main to jo kuch utarta hai baa aina hoo ap k samnay paish kar daita hoon, sahi hai ghalat hai isse mujhe koi behs nahin k main kisi naam o namood k liye nahin karta bus aik mutalatum samandr ko raam karnay k liye apne ander se nikal k kaghaz pe phaila deta hoon.
Zaroori nahin k sunnay ya padhnay walay meri her baat se mutafiq hoon, phr bhi agr kisi ki dil azari ka baaes rha hoon to maafi ka khwastgar hoon.
Ahqar
Tabassum Asad Qureshi
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seemanaqvi
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:22 pm |
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tabs wrote: Seema Ji Adab,
Apki raae mere liye hamesha mohtaram rahay gi aur ismain bhi koi shak nahin k jo kuch apne kaha usmain kisi qism ki ghalati ki ehtamal ho.
Laikin main waqai is amer se be behra hoon k shairy main wazn, behr ya aur kon konse lowazmat hotay hain. main to jo kuch utarta hai baa aina hoo ap k samnay paish kar daita hoon, sahi hai ghalat hai isse mujhe koi behs nahin k main kisi naam o namood k liye nahin karta bus aik mutalatum samandr ko raam karnay k liye apne ander se nikal k kaghaz pe phaila deta hoon.
Zaroori nahin k sunnay ya padhnay walay meri her baat se mutafiq hoon, phr bhi agr kisi ki dil azari ka baaes rha hoon to maafi ka khwastgar hoon.
Ahqar
Tabassum Asad Qureshi Salam Tabassum ji, Kaise hain aap? Aap itni khubsoorat shairy karte hain isliye hamara dil chahta hai ke woh poori tarah se rythm main bhi ho. Aap ka kehna bilkul theek hai ke asli shair wohi hota hai jo apne khubsoorat ehsaasat ko mun o ann doosron tuk pohoncha dey aur wazn aahista aahista durust ho jaata hai. Main chund articles yahan pur post kur ddon gee jis se mumkin hai ke aap ko aur aap jaise naey likhnay waalon ko thoree bohot mada milay. Aap mairi kisi bhi baat ka bura naheen maante jis ka shukriya aur aap yaqeen manain ke dil kee baat safaee se zaban pur aa jaaey to kisi ki di aazari naheen hoti. Duago, Seema
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:39 pm |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Seema Ji, Himmat Afzai ka bohat bohat shukriya, Ye apki nazr:Attachment: jawab.JPG
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 3:55 pm |
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Posts: 1953
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Baba tum kyun door huwe,
kyun milne se majbor huwe
milne humko kyun nahin aatay
ham sang kyun nahin khailtay khatay,
gudgudi kar k kyun nahin uthatay,
sinay pe apne kyun nahin sulatay.
Baba tum kyun door huwe,
kyun milne se majbor huwe
baba mera hath pakad lo,
bahon main mujhe jakad lo,
bheed main logon ki kho gaya hon,
rah tumhari taktay taktay mama k sang so gaya hon.
Baba tum kyun door huwe,
kyun milne se majbor huwe
Beta tumse dori kyun hai,
kya hai aur majbori kyun hai,
kaisay main tumko samjhaon,
ji karta hai urd kar aajaon,
mera bhi sina jalta hai,
dekhne tumko ji karta hai
Beta tum kyun door huwe,
kyun milne se majbor huwe.
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 5:38 pm |
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Posts: 1953
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Kat tay hain kaisay aap ki furqat k raat din
masoum sa ye dil aur furqat k raat din
guzri hai mehfilon main apni tamam umr
aur ab azab hain ye furqat k raat din
wo pehlay pehl ka ishq aur beqarariyan
wo hasrat e didar aur chahat k raat din
her ik dua main usko shiddat se mangna
wo manatain wo ibadat k raat din
wo chodiyan wo kan ki bali wo ik gulab
wo dostoon se haq e muaawnat k raat din
maa ki khushamadain, behnoon ki minattain
us per wo gher se baghawat k raat din
wo ghar se rooth k jana bairoon e mulk
be sar o samani main wilayat k raat din
dyar e ghair main tanhai kay azaab
wo sham o sehr wo mehnat k raat din
khusbhu bharay wo khat ghazlain wo shairi
Ghalib se Faiz o Faraz se nisbat k raat din
phr us k aqd ki khabar ki wo shaam
phr wohi hizn aur malamat k raat din
dhoondtay hain us ko her ik shakl main
phr se wohi malal o furqat k raat din
ab kya raqm karain apni hadis e dil
Tabassum k,gham k,teri furqat k raat din.
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:59 am |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Mumkin hai dard ka nighahoon se eayaan hona
baes e haif hai buldand aah o fughaan hona
chashm e num dil e pur chak girayban hona
kisay nasib rah e ishq ka aasaan hona
sehr e ishq main baes e sukon hota hai
dil sa chak e giraybaan hona
mere ashaar kisi qabil nahin phir bhi
kisi lafz ko aata nahin pashaymaan hona
hum shaheedan e wafa hi ko hasil ye kamal
ik Tabassum ka teer e rag e jaan hona
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:50 am |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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AnjaNi_Pari wrote: Bohat Achay Ji... Nigah Nawazi ka bohat shukriya......
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*MYSTERIOUS*
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 3:56 pm |
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Joined: Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:20 pm
Posts: 56111
Location: +92 :-p
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Quote: aisa nahi k uus ko mera dard nahi hia
dil mai ehsas k jaise chuubha sa rehta hoon buhut uumda ghazal tabs
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:12 pm |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Attachment: adhoray hain.gif
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Arooj Amjad
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:18 pm |
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Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2006 7:36 am
Posts: 2010
Location: Pakistan
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Tabassum ji!
kaise mizaaj hain?
janab aap ki shairy mein wazan ka bohat masla ahi.zaroor tawajjoh dein iss par.Ilaawa azeeN misre mukamal nahin hain.yani aik adhoora pan hai,maslan beher k lehaaz se agar aik misre mein 6 alfaaz aane chaahiyein to aap k misre mein 4 alfaaz hote hian.i guess i have made my point clear!
Kuch ashaar k mutalliq apni raaye ka izhaar kar rahi hun.Ummeed hai garaaN nahin guzre ga! tabs wrote:
wo pehlay pehl ka ishq aur beqarariyan
wo hasrat e didar aur chahat k raat din.
iss ko yuN kar lein to behtar ho ga...
Pehlay pehel ka ishq aur wo be-qaraariyaaN
Wo hasrat-e-deedaar,wo chaahat k raat dintabs wrote:
wo chodiyan wo kan ki bali wo ik gulab
wo dostoon se haq e muaawnat k raat din.
???? kya matlab bana bhala iss sher ka???? tabs wrote:
khusbhu bharay wo khat ghazlain wo shairi
Ghalib se Faiz o Faraz se nisbat k raat din.
yahan yun kar lein to wazan sahi ho jaaega...
khushbu bharay wo khat,wo ghazlein,wo shaairy
Ghalib,Faraz o Faiz se nisbat k raat dintabs wrote:
phr us k aqd ki khabar ki wo shaam
phr wohi hizn aur malamat k raat din.
bohat incomplete sher hai.alfaaz missing hain!
aur yahan "malamat" ka kya zikr?kya "malaal" k ma'noN mein liya hai?
aur mere khayal se sahi talaffuz "huzn" hai "hizn" nahin!
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Aks-e-khushbu hun bikharne se na roke koi
Aur bikhar jaauN to mujh ko na sameiTe koi!
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:01 pm |
| Super Member |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Arooj Amjad wrote: Tabassum ji!
kaise mizaaj hain?
janab aap ki shairy mein wazan ka bohat masla ahi.zaroor tawajjoh dein iss par.Ilaawa azeeN misre mukamal nahin hain.yani aik adhoora pan hai,maslan beher k lehaaz se agar aik misre mein 6 alfaaz aane chaahiyein to aap k misre mein 4 alfaaz hote hian.i guess i have made my point clear!
Kuch ashaar k mutalliq apni raaye ka izhaar kar rahi hun.Ummeed hai garaaN nahin guzre ga! tabs wrote:
wo pehlay pehl ka ishq aur beqarariyan
wo hasrat e didar aur chahat k raat din.
iss ko yuN kar lein to behtar ho ga...
Pehlay pehel ka ishq aur wo be-qaraariyaaN
Wo hasrat-e-deedaar,wo chaahat k raat dintabs wrote:
wo chodiyan wo kan ki bali wo ik gulab
wo dostoon se haq e muaawnat k raat din.
???? kya matlab bana bhala iss sher ka???? tabs wrote:
khusbhu bharay wo khat ghazlain wo shairi
Ghalib se Faiz o Faraz se nisbat k raat din.
yahan yun kar lein to wazan sahi ho jaaega...
khushbu bharay wo khat,wo ghazlein,wo shaairy
Ghalib,Faraz o Faiz se nisbat k raat dintabs wrote:
phr us k aqd ki khabar ki wo shaam
phr wohi hizn aur malamat k raat din.
bohat incomplete sher hai.alfaaz missing hain!
aur yahan "malamat" ka kya zikr?kya "malaal" k ma'noN mein liya hai?
aur mere khayal se sahi talaffuz "huzn" hai "hizn" nahin! Arooj ji Bohat bohat shukriya k aap ne idhar ka rukh kiya.....warna main ne to post karna hi chor diya tha k koi aata hi nahin tha.....ghalatiyan karnay k sab se bada faida ye hota hai k kam se kam apko ye to pata chal jata hai k kisi ne bohat hi mohabbat se aap ki kawish ko izzat bakshi hai. ye behr aur wazn se mere bohat purani dushmani hai aur main to post sirf is liye karta hoon k aap jaisay mukhlis dost meri islah karain aur mujhe pata chalay k main kitnay pani main hoon. aap ne jin kotahiyon ki nishan dahi ki hai main insha Allah koshish karoon ga k behtr kar sakoon. Bohat khush rahiye aur ham khak zadoon pe nazr karam kartay rahiye.... Duago Tabassum!
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sagheer ahmed sagar
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:04 pm |
Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 7:13 pm
Posts: 42
Location: karachi
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salam mashllah ap ki poetry buhat unda or shandar hai ek bar phir ap ki islah ka shukriya ap k liye dua go sagheer ahmed sagar
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alfaz dhondta hon k matalab bayan ho.
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 7:26 pm |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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sagheer ahmed sagar wrote: salam mashllah ap ki poetry buhat unda or shandar hai ek bar phir ap ki islah ka shukriya ap k liye dua go sagheer ahmed sagar Sagar ji, Tashreef awari ka bohat bohat shukriya...... Tabassum
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sono
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 2:39 am |
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Joined: Tue Sep 27, 2005 3:41 am
Posts: 27977
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tabs wrote: bohat aa'la tabs ji....bohat umda sharing
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kabhi yon ho ke pathar chott khayen
ye har dam aaiine hi choor kyon?
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Post subject: Re: Meri Shairy Posted: Sun Apr 12, 2009 7:12 pm |
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Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 8:39 am
Posts: 1953
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Attachment: achi nahin hai.gif
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so ye kaam un pe cHoRti hun...meri taraf se... 
